Becoming a new person's first friend doesn't mean anything in the long run does it?

Commonwealth Bank

Hmm I somewhat used to find it necessary to update the everyday moments in which I experienced, on Twitter. Even though I reactivated it, I've managed to live without it. Yeah big deal right? Not really but It's a rare thing for me to not try to keep up to date with what's happening with the people I know. I used to be on Tumblr, Blogspot and Twitter a lot but it seems as if I'm beginning to drift away from it. Maybe for good even - or is it maybe because of HSC that I delude myself from spending time on these sites?

Where people draft their posts, I post pretty much every time I begin an entry. However what remains unseen are the twelve lines I've erased after much consideration. Just like some of you.

Time to forget the past and just look to the future. I've failed myself so many times, making false promises to myself and all that. In order to turn it all around, I have to do well at this. It's pretty much my last shot, the one after will not help me one bit. After this, I can do whatever the hell I want. Stay home all day, sleep all morning, none of it will matter. I need this to give me hope in my near future. If I walk away from that hall feeling great after it, I will head home, start preparing for the next. After it's all over, I'll do what I need to do.  I do believe it will be fun. Even so, maybe we'll all meet again once more after that as a group, if not then I guess it'll be the end. I'll get permission and go every day and build myself until I'm satisfied. Then I'll maintain it and just proceed with life. Leave behind those who no longer support me. Whatever arises will be something to think about later. Back to work.

Sigh

Haven't felt like I've been dogged in so long; seems to be happening more and more often - especially from the people I least expected..

Skyrim

So... I haven't blogged in a while and I'm not going to bother going back to my slut post... maybe I will be some time in the future but yeah I guess you could say "Sluts... no comment." :)

We have 2U today.. but I felt like posting about *drum roll* Skyrim!
A game created by Bethesda, like Fallout.

To the point.. Skyrim became really boring after finishing the main quest and becoming the leader and or thane for most of the factions and or holds. Skyrim is a game based on the medieval era where dragons existed! Pretty detailed too might I add.

I guess this post would be directed at Kwo and Matthew or anyone else who plan on playing :D (only because you two are the only ones I know who play...) - and they said heaps of girls played Skyrim aye? No one that I know of.

After playing so much of it I got quite sick of the Vanilla features. I started downloading the DLC's and patches just to fix bugs and add a little more detail to the game and finished all of that too.

SO ANYWAY after being introduced to 'Skyrim Mods' by Matt, I started looking for some. And hell I searched and searched and downloaded anything that I thought would be interesting. Most of them consisted of customized armor and weapon sets.

So yeah that enlightened my perspective since there was so much more content you could add to the game through custom-made modifications.

It wasn't until two days ago though..... that I gazed my eyes upon a mod which changed everything.

Nah jokes, the mod isn't perfect or near as great as it could be but hey I think it's cool being able to morph into a dragon hehe. Not to mention have a 'Flying Unicorn' or a 'Horned Pegasus' (whichever you prefer LOL) as a mount.

Yeah I'm kinda into dragons and shit, judge me Zuahah.

Enjoyyy

 Originally it was just gonna be a series of pictures but now this post doesn't seem so bad, plus you guys had to look past the pictures to read what I wrote right?

OH YEAH and werewolves too

Watching One Piece again

This gap is reserved for 'Sluts'

                       























.

Why

No, I don't know how it feels to be a dying dog but if I were to describe how I feel that would be it. Out of all days my body decides that today was the time to get sick. If it was a flu, a cold or whatever I wouldn't mind as much but no. My brother recently recovered from a virus which made you have strong headaches, caused you to vomit and diarrhea a lot. Thankfully I'm not having diarrhea but I do feel the urge to vomit most of the time. I spent my morning at Regents Park library from 10-12 then when it closed, headed home and set my 'study environment'. To my surprise out of all methods of studying, this turned out the best for me. Usually I would try to sit there, read and write stuff down so I could remember it but this time, all I literally did was lay in bed, have a bottle of water, an empty bucket, a box of tissues and a laptop by my side. I laid there reading the notes from Dropbox and I can some how remember most of it. If I knew this would work for me I would've done it ages ago. Now every time I get up, I get a massive headache, some strange pain in my body around my neck/chest and the having the urge to vomit. Such a shit feeling, I don't even feel like eating anything yet my mum just places food in front of me. I want to sleep for days and not wake up but unfortunately, the HSC is roughly 39 hours away.

I feel like a brat complaining so much on twitter and stuff but hey seriously.. worst timing ever and feeling ever :(. What makes it worse is I haven't studied Economics at all and I haven't written any practice essays for English. Right now, I'm still studying Bio.. I know I'm just going to die in the HSC.

I just hope this feeling subsides soon or else I'll just fail my HSC then and there, trying to hold back the urge to vomit every 5 minutes.

...

It's difficult, I won't say "please just kill me" but I will ask "how do I deal with this?"

Blogging way too much

I can't help it.. Twitter isn't enough to get my emotions, my thoughts and all that out. I will always come back to this but then I'd stop and decide not to post anything. Such an eerie night and it's so close to our exams. Not prepared, no where near but I'm trying.

I have so many things to say but there's just nothing I can do about it. My life has gone to shits and this is only the beginning.. sigh. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I miss people, i miss seeing and talking to them but most of all, I miss you.

Wow

Went over the other blog and realised how much I ranted, looks like I've lost my touch.

Everything was fine until I stumbled upon this..

I admit we have our ups and downs but this.. What's funny is it isn't directed but can be applied to anyone. If you were reading this, I think you'd agree too wouldn't you?

100th

Post #100.

I still listen to Yiruma every now and then, I think it's a normal thing yet it makes me feel unusual or strange

Finally

Restless

What a dull night.. I hope I dream of something.. something deep and fulfilling but doesn't make me sleep till 3pm.

Goodnight people.

Cancer

The crab, just like Kwo. Cancerians, crabs, uhmm I don't know. Based on my limited knowledge which I obtained from some research long long ago back in 2010, cancers are really feminine.

That's what the book says but after observing myself for a good but tough two years, I've developed my own view on what cancers are like.

June 22 - July 23

To my beloved readers.. If I were to summarise the type of person I am or what I think most cancers would be; 

Emotional

Empathetic

Intuitive

Cautious but caring

Moody

Clingy

Over emotional

Over protective

That's if I were to summarise it in a few words. According to the info I gathered from the Internet, we love our homes, we love home-cooked meals, and etc etc.

However for me, I don't seem to like my home as much as I should have (based on what I read). I know that I've definitely changed a lot over the two years, and just to make it clear, I think I used to be more closer to what other websites describe as a cancer. I still have similar traits but now that I'm more social, my shyness doesn't really show anymore. Maybe it's because I'm comfortable with the people I know however, if it were another person, a stranger whom I had to talk to, I'd be back to my old sweaty shaky self.

What I love about being a cancer: 

Empathy- I've alway thought it was a good trait, something that society needs, everyone should have the ability to empathise naturally. Obviously not because if we all did, there would be no murderers or criminals am I right? Everyone would be considerate of each individual and their families' feelings to commit any wrong right? Unfortunately not everybody empathises. It's allowed me to connect with people, place myself in their shoes if you will. Be able to imagine, understand how a person feels during certain times, when things happen. That's what made me want to seek people, made me want to talk to them about problems, because I think that if I am able to understand how somebody feels, I should feel obliged to at least let them know that they aren't alone, that I too can feel how they do.

Caring- My previous post was about caring so not much will be said. Empathy leads to caring, being able to understand then having the desire to help. I never found harm in lending a hand to people who required it- or even if they didn't need it, I'd still be happy to.

Protective- Yeah not many people seem to like overprotective guys/ people right? Despite how it can push people away, I like how protective we are, and usually being protective shows that you don't want someone to get hurt, you don't want them to go through things they will regret. On the contrary (sounds incorrect after reading the definition of this word on Lucy's post), the only time I dislike being protective is when jealousy occurs or when the person you're protective over doesn't listen to you. I might not have the power to command you but yeah being protective isn't always good for us because it leads to a higher chance of being disappointed if our expectations are not met.

Intuition- Till this day I still don't know exactly where this word derived from or what it exactly means. Still this is my own extended explanation of it. An ability or a passive trait that isn't that noticeable until it is pointed out or put to the test? Having a feeling, like an instinct that allows you to make decisions, usually the correct ones. Intuition is just something close to a sense, not the 6th necessarily but nevertheless something like that. AH INSTINCTIVE, another word that's similar.. I guess that works well. I've had so many dreams (like Bill mentioned some time ago), where I dreamt about something which happened to come true. Movies which I never saw on billboards, television ads but somehow predicted that it'd become big. Doesn't seem much right? There are other things which I can't remember but it's just satisfying even if it's false hope, to feel like you have the ability to predict things.

That's about it. I'm pretty sure I've bored most of you by now if I haven't already caused you to turn away cause of this long post.

Other than this, we're still shy and emotional and will most likely crawl back into our shells when things aren't going too well for us.

Caring

When it comes to me caring about people and telling them what I think, it always comes across another way and backfires on me. It's happened twice in a day and I'm sort of sick of it. Despite how somebody shows that they care, as long as it's not physical and doesn't involve others other than you and the person, I don't think it's a bad thing. With me, I end up coming across as "nosey" and the sort of person who doesn't mind my own business.

I used to think caring was a good thing, something to be proud of since it depicted and showed the fact that you were able to empathise with another person and be understanding. Then sometimes my perspective of caring about others would change. Especially when they don't recognise or appreciate it. 

So much I could go on about-

Well alright then I'm sorry that I cared, as a matter of fact what if I stopped caring I mean that'll be one less person on your back who has always tried to be some sort of safety net to pick you back up when you choke or crash.

People who ask "are you okay?" Sure it seems to have a little meaning but what else can they say? Think about that next time. If you saw someone on the street who was on their knees, whether or not they're crying or they're just there on the ground, the first thing you'd most likely ask (if you had the decency to) would be "are you okay?" right?

Even with a friend, if he's pissed, she's pissed or they're crying, you'd most likely approach them and say "are you okay?" or "don't worry about it, it's fine/it'll be alright". Seems meaningless enough, until you're the person whose hurt, would you rather have a stranger/friend say that to you or have nobody there at all.

Why do I ask? Because despite how close I am with people I know, regardless of strength of our relationship, along with most other guys I know, we can't stand there without the urge of asking "are you okay?"; "is there anything I can do to help?", questions like that.

Imagine of all of us stopped. You can just sit there and we'd watch you like most commoners do.

Now this leads me to another subtopic, do people really care or are they just nosey like you assumed I was. How can you tell right? Well first of all, it's the person themselves. Do they seem like the type to care or do you know them as the type of person to wonder around spreading talks and just the type to want to know what happens around them? Yeah that's an obvious one, people who don't care will approach you and just ask questions of no relevance like "hey, do you hate this person", "when was the last time you talked to ...." need I go on? Maybe it's just me but It's really obvious for me and when people do that, I'd just generically respond with the "I don't know".

People who do care are sometimes the people you least expect. I will tell you from time to time when we can chat privately  but I won't be the person to give you shit for what you do because a person who cares just wants to be there to help you and let you know what they think to ensure that you don't get hurt and remain happy.

One day I'll look back at this blog and realise what an idiot I was

Blogging

They only place I can state what I think freely and not care. Though, I do have to be cautious of what I say since there's no knowing who reads this blog and well yeah.

Onto sex! Where to start..? Personally, never thought it was a need but a want. Depending on the stage of your relationship with somebody, It could be classified as lust, love or kinky monkey.

Lust - Usually when you don't know the girl's name and maybe not even what they sound like. It kinda ranges actually, lust can go as far as some girl at school or on the street to a person you talk to every day. Despite this, wanting to root a girl whether it be a stranger or a friend is what I would call lust.

Love - Obviously in most cases, you only feel love (I will maybe post another topic on what love feels like LOL) when you're in a relationship. I don't know what to say, maybe after being with a girl for so long, knowing all their secrets, the less and more important things about her, eventually sexual thoughts will start arising in a guy's mind. Oh yeah that brings me back to Kwo & Matthew's post about how sex is all guys think about. Not necessarily but maybe a majority of guys. Anyway always going off topic, I guess with guys and maybe perhaps girls, after knowing someone inside out, meeting their emotional needs will eventually lead to physical needs. If I were to describe it, it's pretty spontaneous. It's like a plant growing up. The roots extend into the soil, absorbing and as much information as they can and eventually they will come to a stop and grow every now and then as time pasts. The stem will grow representing the seriousness of the relationship and the age of the relationship (weeks, months & years). This will then eventually cause flowers to blossom just like a guy's wootwoot LOL. What I'm trying to say is after being able to emotionally satisfy each other, one day the physical stuff will eventually happen. For me, I'm completely fine with holding hands and hugging.

Kinky Monkey - Single guy, may have had an ex to make them that desperate or maybe even already desperate since puberty. All you want to do is meet girls through friends and then try to talk to them a lot in hope for the opportunity to get close and just physically benefit from them. All you think about is girls and the desire to have intercourse or any other sexual activity.


I kinda have no idea what I just posted about. My brain don't really f(x) well at night and I start becoming a different person. You don't want to see me different.

Goodnight donkey

Will get back to posting trending topics, or perhaps start my own

Remnants of a memory

S m t I c s a y b I w n. I r t t w w u t p t g a g w e o u a s. I w a t b a i, g t, k m t. N t w a n l t I n h m y h c, l, w. W b u t b s s a l a I t t c n c b o f t b. H w w I r? H. A I w y g l a I h y f s w t d y a i a t m y m h t I e h. G l w y IB e.

T m t f d w o r h c t a e - 08/10/12.

I h t d w s m o y s, g u t y s s h a e y g o y e-c, T.C. Y p m t s m a s I h y f i h t b h y m h m m a l s.

P.S. Y a s a h.

G b.

-J