Tiring week

So as you guys all know, I'm not the kind of person that has their priorities well managed. I rarely sleep, don't wake up on time and my studies and assignments to the very last minute.

Sunday morning I had Oz-tag training from 8am till 12pm. Usually we'd all hang out to eat but my brother and I had an appointment with the doctors to get vaccinated, think it was a flu shot. We were late and had to wait until roughly 2 which by then, we both fell asleep. After seeing the doctor and getting our shots, I had work from 3pm till 7pm. I don't think I took my break since my co worker decided to bludge and take an hour break.

By the time I finished work, I decided to go to Oz-tag training with teams from last season. Before I got on the field, I had a call from my boss, asking me to cover for some guy who had a shift at 3am. I agreed to take the shift despite knowing how busy I was gonna be; the things I'd do for money. Training lasted till around 9:30.  Usually we'd train from 7pm till roughly 10:30pm although I don't think the timer for the lights were reset.

By the time I got home, it was 11pm. I ended up eating dinner, showering and preparing lecture slides and other notes to study for later on during the day. After doing so, I headed off to bed and had a solid.. 2 hour sleep since my alarm was set for 2:20am.

I had work from 3am till 9:30am, waited in the rain for my bus and probably got home at 10:20am. Whenver I get home from work or uni, I spend about an hour just relaxing, settling down and browsing the net or whatever. I end up playing with my iPad and making fun of my face using the camera. I started 'studying' at 12pm. It wasn't very useful though since my head bobbed for a good hour or two during the process. I took a nap from 2-4 which was absolutely pointless since I was even more exhausted afterwards. Not to mention that during that two hours, I had dream which wasn't exactly pleasant; something to do getting threats and a knife in my stomach.

Spent another hour watching game of thrones (no regrets), left for uni at 6 or something and bumped into Carmen.

So many times I contemplated not going to do the quiz since it was 4% weighting. Now I've got another quiz later today at 9am (Tuesday). After that, I have to start on my other assignment which is due this Friday..

Troubles in that mind of mine # 2

Now why did I decide to talk about this now? 

Well, things are starting to get complicated again. I know I've moved on but I'm not actively searching for someone right now. I told myself that I wasn't ready and for quite a while I wasn't interested in anybody and I was actually happy.

What gets to me is this part. 

Let's get corny.

A few nights ago, I had a dream, now we know these people but I don't know them well, yet for some reason they were the ones chosen to be present in my subconsciousness. In my dream, something had happened, something that I had thought I had under control. That thing was what we refer to as cuddling/hugging. 

Yeah I love hugs.

Anyway so this person and I shared a playful cuddle or something, then I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. 

Now why does this dream trouble me? First of all, dreams are completely random and out of our control, unless you lucid dream which is something I'm not capable of. Are dreams meant to mean anything?

So there I was, certainly it isn't a big deal but now I can't stop thinking. I don't really want a relationship right now but at the same time, I'm afraid that I'll start developing feelings for this person, whom I don't even know a lot about. I'm also unsure if I should even pursue it; should I try to get to know her? 

I told a friend once when she came to me seeking advice about another guy and I told her: "Men are weak".

For the guys who are reading this, was I spouting bullcrap or is it true? 

The first girl that was ever nice to you and talked to you, did you develop feelings for her? How about now, if a stranger said hello to you on the train, if she was friendly and you got along with her right then and there, would you forget about her or would you think about her for the rest of your day?

It is what I believe anyway.

If I did get to know this person, anther issue would arise and that would be whether or not to pursue her. I don't think I could go through that situation where I'd have to risk losing a friend because of my uncontrollable feelings.

Troubles in that mind of mine # 1

For so long I've been delaying my work load from uni. Now that I actually sit here and attempt to start it, It doesn't feel too bad. I've always dreaded doing assignments and reading and studying but I'm hoping for when the time comes, I will sit here and enjoy completing my work.

It's been 6 or 7 months since my break up and as short as it feels, looking at the figure 6 & 7 which is pretty much half a year, it scares me how fast we are all growing up. I thought back to the moment when it all happened. To be entirely honest, I'm a really emotionally weak person, even physically to a certain extent.

The first week:

I admit that I did try to cling onto something that was long lost, people tend to do so out of desperation. God knows I cried my heart out that day, that night and following nights for about a week. For a person who has been in love with another for 3 years, I 'forgot' how it felt not to have someone so close, someone I could share everything with. Most f my close friends had drifted away from me, or maybe it was I who pushed them away. I knew it wasn't going to help being hung over good old sweet memories but it's just something I did and still do, more than ever during that period. My relationship with that person was over and despite how hard I tried to remain as friends with them, I was pushed away, left to fend for myself, feeling vulnerable. 

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't meant to be easy nor a fast process but it's going to have to happen, better sooner than later.

The next week:

During this phase, I tried to find distractions, always keeping "active" so that my mind had something else to engage on other than the past. I became closer to people I never thought possible and as true as it may be, I did have another female figure there for me as a distraction. 

This stage was a critical moment because having even just one friend can expose you to limitless possibilities. 

I started hanging out with her, despite not having any feelings nor attraction towards her, I believe that the reason I was able to get by was because I had another female figure in my life. 

A few more weeks later:

By then, I had become close to this person and well, I pretty much hung with her most of the time. Now I still wasn't over my ex but I definitely thought less of her.

To cut it short, break ups aren't meant to be easy, you are losing someone who was a big part of your life but we will continue to age and move forward. The best advice I could give to anybody going through a situation like this is to first of all, pick themselves up, doesn't matter how or why it ended any more, what matters is that it is gone and all you have left is yourself, your friends and your family. 

Talk to somebody, doesn't have to be family, I personally found it awkward to talk to my mum about girls in general. Talk to anybody, talk to me. 

Don't hide away and cry, don't feel sorry for yourself and don't let your feelings get the better of you.

Do something, anything really, just to get your mind off it and live like everyday is an adventure, it sure feels good after a while.

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