Phase

I never thought I could be influenced so much by one person. I am living q child's dream and maybe if I had known sooner, I would have taken that path but I'm almost certain my family would not have supported my decision.

Now I think about it all the time, wishing I was more talented and able to entertain as I have learned to love the feeling I get after watching such great movies. Unfortunately it is just an impulse dream I have and I just face the truth that I was not destined to become an actor or singer in this life.

Such influence from certain actors have made me question my life and how I wish I was capable of more and if I were and became successful, I would be the happiest person alive, being able to help out my family and everyone I care about.

However as mentioned this may not be the life for me and I can't make millions as much as I'd love to.

This hunger for a life I can never have is consuming me from the inside and I am quite sad about it.

This is probably why you are considered one of the most influential people in the world, you have given me something to obsess over and I am not easily obsessed.

I have never given so much thought about my future or career ever and the most frustrating thing is that it is merely a dream. Thinking about the possibilities in life, whether or not to pursue a wild dream is the most difficult decision I have right now.

Isn't it pathetic that I thought so much about it? I feel it is. Maybe if I pursued in a career of acting when I was younger, sure I'd have a chance but as the person I am now, I have nothing and don't even have the fundamental requirements so please, wash away these dreams and just admire these people from afar. So now I tell myself "Aspire to be and do more but do not follow in their foot steps. Note the paths they take and walk your own. Inspire so maybe others may follow in yours."

I don't know why I tried to hard to hide my relationship status from my mum back when I was dating. There was nothing to hide and I feel that it's somewhat wrong to hide things from your parents even if they will give you shit for it because eventually they will come to their senses and accept your decisions.. until they can say "I told you so" that is. Well anyway, I won't be doing that anymore.

:|

You haunt me in my dreams, fuck off.

I want to travel somewhere far away and then come home a changed man just like da movies

Electric Run

So I ended up going with Ho and Lam, the event was... okay I guess. The rain wasn't too bad, the worst part would probably be waiting 30+ minutes in a crowd, under the rain. By the time we actually got to start walking/running, we were already soaked. It would've been a lot better if we had a larger group though but considering it was only the three of us, it was great. It was a bummer not seeing many people run. The music wasn't great in my opinion, didn't know what to expect but it was quite disappointing.

There's not much to say about it, if there is another electric run next year, hopefully they plan it a lot better since so many people were disappointed haha.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=246503775505529&set=a.220085384814035.1073741829.207548072734433&type=1&theater

And here's a short video just so you guys can kinda get the feel of how it was; warning it's quite loud.

1 down

So day 1, I finished my first exam, was meant to have oz tag tonight but it was cancelled cause of the field being wet. I told myself I would do stuff at the part after gym but that didn't end up happening.. perhaps tomorrow if the grass isn't wet and if I'm not too tired from work.

Anything to not study

There are three reasons as to why I blog:

1. To share my perspective or opinions

2. To have my thoughts and feelings digitally presented to you and myself on a computer screen

3. To rant and whine

Each of the three reasons will require me to hold back, like mentioned in another post, you can't help but consider who could be reading your posts.  Although I too get those half written posts (usually because I either forget what I wanted to write about or because the contents of the post is too harsh), I end up completing them but not posting them. The reason for this: It's my way of dealing with my own issues, I need to get it out somewhere, I don't need people to know about it but I just need it somewhere so that my situation gets easier to deal with.

I'm certain that a majority of people who blog about their life hold back to a certain extent. What I want to do is learn to not to care and just blog how I truly feel.

Exam period

I'm so over exams, even though I only have two, one on the 12th and another on the 20th, I'm really not bothered to study for either of them because no matter what, I'm pretty sure I failed this semester. I could play the blaming game but Computing just isn't that interesting anymore, I'm not sure if it's because I don't have proper friends to study with or because my tutors were shit this semester but yeah, I don't have enough self motivation to study despite me wanting to pass.

All I can look forward to is post exams, I will get to travel, hang out with mates, perhaps catch up with a few people. I will get to work a lot more (munnie munnie munnie) and I'm really looking forward to improving my fitness level and just getting stronger for both oz tag and for myself.

Honestly I had this period where I blamed gaming for everything that's happened to me but I realized that it was kind of my own fault. I gamed a lot because I felt I was in a secure relationship and I could just enjoy socializing via gaming since we skype and all but yeah after that, I just kind of lost that feeling so I had no joy in playing anything.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to playing WoW again with Ho and whoever decides to play with us, I'm also saving up for a new headset since mine just broke recently (had it for 5 years). May get back into dota, maybe not, but I will definitely play BF4 with kwo and whoever else. Perhaps I'll try new games too, who knows. I'll have to balance my life with work, games, exercise and going out OH AND READING TOO.

In conclusion, fuck exams, even though I put little to no effort, I hope some sort of miracle happens and I manage to pass both my subjects, I can't wait to improve myself physically (hoping I'll stay motivated enough), can't wait to revisit the more.. happier times (WoW), and yeah, hope everyone does well in their exams, good luck and can't wait to see you all post exams!

One day, the truth will come out and I will be okay with it, you better be too.

iPad

I've been semi busy throughout this week, having work from 5am till 2pm ,sometimes 3, this whole week has been tiring. A month or two ago, I'd be sitting on this chair, on skype with dota friends or what not, either just talking, doing my own stuff or gaming.

I've neglected my iPad and still find it hard to believe I have one. (why?) An iPad was the last thing I thought I'd get.. (maybe a macbook too)

Anyway so I browsed through my iPad and didn't realize that there were quite a few people I messaged on it and just looking back on the messages got me quite sentimental.

Many things have changed within the course of two months, you guys seem to be doing fine, you seem fine, etc etc.

Anyway, I have not been able to sit down and just study, I always find myself distracted or being too tired. I want to get my exams over and done with so I can just sit back and find something to do each and every day.

I need to not be too comfortable because comfort just gives me time to think and I never seem to be happy when I over think.
I'm kind of looking forward to whatever events we've planned and I just hope these holidays will be great to relax, have fun and forget.

VSA Halloween

What can I say? I guess it was okay, wasn't bad nor was it great. Seems like a lot of people had fun. If I was more committed into getting a costume, who knows... but yeah there was probably like 80 people there max, it was a pretty small party but it worked out fine. The music was on and off, there wasn't really a DJ, just a playlist which  felt like 10-15 songs. I honestly felt that dressing up after Halloween just defeats the purpose but maybe if I had a closer and larger group of friends who went, I would had put in more effort.

Some people were going down and enjoying themselves , sometimes you just have that feeling in your stomach when you want to just let go and have fun but yesterday just wasn't the right time for me so who knows, maybe at another party.

We arrived at 8:50 or so, and it finished at 12:30, most of my night consisted of talking to people, drinking a tiny bit (2 beers and 2 vodka cranberry's).

We got to Vic's aunt's place at like 1:30 or something and we got comfortable and chilled and talked, ate and stuff so that was pretty cool.

Leaving however, was such a hassle, trackwork on the weekends always manages to screw us up.

I got home,  I died and now I'm back up ready for tonight's training session.. (haha not really.)

Update on my life

Most important thing first, I'm going to fail this semester and I might have to stay at UWS (sad).

Right now I'm going through quite a bit, I guess you could call it a quarter life crisis, but not on the really serious end. The past month has been difficult for me to cope with but "I make do with what I got" i.e. I've been trying to do what I can to look forward to each day.



So far, I'm happy to say that I am finally employed in three departments of Woolworths Limited, Granville.

1. Personal Shopper (otherwise known has 'home-shop' or 'online' as everybody else calls it.)
I've always feared interviews and being independent but I've come around and I really love working. I mean yeah some people hate their jobs but what I mean is I feel really satisfied and content knowing that my hard work is worth it. The environment at woolies is pretty... chill actually, it's not as serious as I thought it'd be.

The truth is, anybody can be anybody's mate. When I started my job, there were 500 interviews for personal shopper and only 5 of us got in. As egotistic as it sounds, I was quite surprised when our manager told us that and that made me feel really good. Anyway the environment is just sometimes either quiet, chill or loud and entertaining.

Before I continue, I'll let you guys know exactly what I do. First you enter the store, sign in via a finger scanner. You leave your bag in the change room and head to the Docking bay/Docking area (that's where trucks come and collect the stuff we've packed). First you get a gun (an electronic device which allows you to sign in and commence your trolley runs). On the gun it'll tell you how many totes (crates/boxes) you need, and how many articles (different type of items) there are, and also the estimated pack time. The problem with the number of articles is that, yes at times there may be only 2 articles (two different kinds of items) but it doesn't tell you the quantity of the item. So if it says 2 articles, I could actually have to pack 100 of each article, get it?

Anyway so that's that, you get your gun, build your totes, print off the stickers/labels, stick them onto the totes and start your run.


In my past 3-4 weeks, I've had numerous shifts, practically at random times, earliest being 3am, latest being 6pm. From my experience, all most of the Indians work night shifts; it gets to the point where English is no longer spoken in the docking area. It's funny cause the indians are all talking and they just randomly swear in english or laugh which is actually pretty hilarious. Other than that, the non indains still swear at each other, make jokes, etc, overall just a happy and positive environment.

2. Replenishment/Night fill

It is what it is, get giant cages which are filled with boxes of crap you need to shelf. So.... you have this cage (rectangular prism) which is 2m in height and has a base and width of 1m. You open that shit and just check which products need to be refilled, etc. Pretty easy but you have to work really quickly since there's so much shit to do.

3. Produce

Recently I was told that they wanted me to work for the produce department too, that's the area with all the fuits, veggies, etc. I haven't started but I'll my training for produce will commence next week